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Eye Contact Is an Important Communication Tool

One sure-fire way to connect with others and demonstrate your trustworthiness is through eye contact. If, for instance, you're looking to persuade others, you need to establish and maintain a strong visual connection. In Western culture, at least, eye contact is a solid, powerful way to demonstrate your investment in the person or audience you’re communicating with.

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Here’s another hint for acquiring natural and effective conversational skills: We tend to make more consistent eye contact in conversations when we’re listening. So to strengthen this skill, make a point of looking more frequently at the other person when you’re speaking, since that's when you have more of a tendency to look away.

Body Language Can Help Build Relationships

Your body position—even a step omitted or taken—can make a difference in how others perceive you and relate to you. I like observing pairs or small groups of people at parties or conferences, for instance, and noticing how physical signals are sent and received.

For instance, have you yourself noticed people in a conversation who physically signal, “I’m not interested,” or “Go away!,” without their body language being read correctly by the other person? On the other hand, there are many easy ways to show someone that you are interested in what they’re saying. Turning toward them, pointing your feet or crossing your leg in their direction, opening your body stance rather than remaining closed off, are all ways to indicate receptiveness rather than standoffishness or an actual negative response.

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Can You Get Closer to Those You're Talking To? 

How about physical distance from others—does that matter in terms of how they relate to you? “Proximity” comes from the Latin word proximitās, meaning nearness or vicinity, and we recognize the concept in terms of objects or geographical locations. We even have a name for the study of distance in human relationships: proxemics. But what about how the concept works in terms of relationships and establishing rapport?

Sometimes, we simply don’t get the formula right. We stand too close to someone—perhaps touching their arm, without noticing that they really don’t like it. More often in terms of public speaking, we remain too far from our audience. We stay behind the podium, or never use the space available to us in a room to get closer to our listeners. 

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Understanding the "right" distance isn’t a difficult equation, really. Simply remember the three kinds of distance in terms of appropriateness: intimate, social or professional, and public. Your distance from others should increase, that is, with each of those three. Stay aware of the situation and you’ll probably build good rapport. Just don’t let “public” make you think you can’t get closer to your audience now and then to help strengthen your relationship with them.

Listening Uses Nonverbal Communication Too

Finally, remember that body language matters when you’re listening as well as speaking. Nonverbal communication is a language, after all. What you “say” physically when you respond to others goes a long way toward getting them to enjoy interacting with you and finding you likable and trustworthy.

Eye contact (again), nodding, and active facial expressions are vital ingredients of the listening dynamic. So are the literally non-verbal, i.e., vocal aspects of your side of the conversation—the “Uh-huhs,” “Ahs!,” and other non-verbalized contributions that the active listener makes.

And that goes for phone conversations as well. Personally, I’ll take a grunt or a “Mm-hm” on the other end over the sound of a keyboard tapping or a smart phone beeping. Wouldn’t you?

¹ http://www.telegraph.co.uk/science/science-news/11013780/Judgements-about-trustworthiness-are-made-in-the-first-second-of-meeting.html

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Gary Genard is an actor, author, and expert in public speaking and overcoming speaking fear. His company, The Genard Method offers live 1:1 Zoom executive coaching  and corporate group training worldwide. In 2022 for the ninth consecutive year, Gary has been ranked by Global Gurus as One of the World’s Top 30 Communication Professionals. He is the author of the Amazon Best-Seller How to Give a Speech. His second book, Fearless Speaking, was named in 2019 as "One of the 100 Best Confidence Books of All Time." His handbook for presenting in videoconferences, Speaking Virtually offers strategies and tools for developing virtual presence in online meetings. His latest book is Speak for Leadership: An Executive Speech Coach's Secrets for Developing Leadership Presence. Contact Gary here.