Speeches on special occasions can provoke greater anxiety than everyday, business-related speaking assignments. Yet the truth is that a request to speak at these events is an honor. Your position, closeness to the people or events being feted, or your distinction in your field are responsible for your place of prominence on the occasion.

That special knowledge or experience is what you should draw upon as you prepare and deliver your special occasion speech. (For more on speaking successfully, download our cheat sheet, "4 Characteristics of an Influential Speaker.")

Tell the stories that these listeners will find interesting. In particular, reveal your personal connection with the honoree(s). But most of all—be honest. What the audiences at these events want is sincerity, not polish. The best man speech at a wedding, or the father of the groom speech at a rehearsal dinner, always succeed more from genuine emotion than a demonstrated skill at making toasts.

How Honesty Trumps Show Business

A few years ago, one of my wife’s relatives died in his early fifties, leaving his mother and three siblings.  At his wake, the family asked me to read the eulogy his brothers and sister had written at his mass to be held the following day. They reasoned that I would do a good job because of my background as an actor.

I told them I would be happy to do so if they insisted, but that I felt it would mean much more to everyone if one of them read the eulogy. Eventually they agreed. And though the brother who spoke the words was not a polished speaker, he tapped into bittersweet emotions for the relatives that I would never have been able to approach.

When it comes to public speaking on special occasions, honesty trumps show business every time. It isn’t the wisdom of the ages your listeners are hoping for—it’s you. So be confident in your worth as a valued contributor, and speak from the heart.

Here is some advice on specific occasions requiring toasts, awards speeches, and testimonials:

• The Toast. This is one occasion where eloquence is expected. Yet that doesn’t mean that you must suddenly morph into a New York sophisticate. If you stay simple and true, conveying your honest affection for the honoree(s), you will be eloquent. The toast is also the ideal place to use quotations, either from persons known to the listeners or famous people. A word to the wise: Beware of alcohol, which may be flowing freely at your table by the time you stand to speak.
• The Roast. Introduce yourself if you aren’t known to everyone in the room. A general rule of roasts is that the closer you are to the “roastee,” the deeper you can slip the blade—all in good fun, of course. Remember that self-deprecating humor is always welcome at a roast, since it shows that you can take it as well as dish it out.
• Master of Ceremonies. Maintain a firm but light touch. Don’t make the mistake of thinking that just because you’ve been invited to be the MC, this is about you. It isn’t. Learn the names and titles of the people you’re introducing and then let them do their own thing. Perhaps most important: speak beforehand with your host to see what he or she wants you to do. Then give exactly that—no more and no less. And be sure you know how you’re expected to dress.
• Blessing, Grace, or Benediction. A successful blessing combines the true and eternal with the particular. Prayers and profound thoughts from the Bible, poetry, and the wisdom of other religions and cultures are always appropriate. Bear in mind that you can also go outside the “expected” sources if you find something appropriate and refreshing. A beautiful feature of a prayer, for instance, can be your own addition, something original that you’ve thought up for the occasion. That’s a way to take the eternal and link it to the special occasion of the gathering.
• Acceptance Speech or Response to a Testimonial. Here, less is definitely more. Nothing sours an audience’s goodwill more quickly than a too-long or self-indulgent acceptance speech. Think Oscars, and you’ll know exactly what I mean. So: humbly thank your sponsors, mention others as accomplished as you who didn’t win the award, and make a graceful exit.
• Eulogy. The sometimes surprising truth about eulogies is that they don’t have to be sad and somber set-pieces. Eulogies represent a wonderful opportunity for all present to celebrate the life of the person, not just mourn their passing. Here again, heartfelt emotion is the key. I wrote and delivered the eulogy at my mother’s funeral, and I had to stop speaking more than once because emotion overtook me and closed my throat. But I simply paused, collected myself, and went on. At one point I even thanked everyone for being so patient! 

If you deliver a eulogy, find a way to tap into the joy that this person’s life made possible. In the movie Mr. Saturday Night, Billy Crystal’s character—a professional comedian—gives a hilarious and bittersweet eulogy at his mother’s funeral. The fact that everyone is laughing throughout his presentation in no way diminishes the deep affection the survivors have, and are busy showing, for the deceased.