Picture the following two scenarios:

Scenario A: You're relaxing with friends, and you're telling a story. It's about something funny that happened to you recently, and you're smiling, sometimes laughing, as you share the details. You're completely at ease, and you gesture easily and frequently. When you move, it's to emphasize something you're describing. You're really getting into it (it's a great story), and you're not self-conscious in the least. In fact, you're having at least as much fun as anyone else present.

Scenario B: You're standing in front of strangers delivering a presentation.

Now here's the test—and take as much time as you need before answering: In which scenario do you exhibit more natural body language?

Are You a Man or a Mouse?

That's an old, old saying that means (if you're not familiar with it): "Show some courage in this situation, why dontcha?" It isn't meant to be gender-specific, either.

But I want to use it in another way, to mean: "Why dontcha use the body you already have, instead of trying to be an [octopus] [squid] [millipede] [crab]?" These are some of the creatures that make their appearance when a speaker suddenly tries to use more limbs than he or she has, or to use the ones that are present in odd and unproductive ways. (To boost your presence and power as a speaker, download my free cheat sheet, "6 Skills Building Exercises for Effective Body Language.")

Which is to say, our body language frequently goes haywire when we have to speak in public. The body that we're perfectly comfortable and practiced using in situations like Scenario A above, seem to betray us in the likes of Scenario B. The extreme self-consciousness and exposure produced by public speaking can make us actually forget how our bodies are supposed to work. Do you know, for instance, the secrets of the self-image you're broadcasting?

Strange as that sounds, I've seen it hundreds of times in my public speaking clients and trainees. If you look closely, you too will see it happening frequently in the speeches and presentations you attend.

Getting Your Body Into Your DNA

This week, for instance, I've been working with a client who experiences considerable anxiety when she stands to deliver a presentation. That's it: not "gets nervous speaking in public," but loses her confidence and train of thought when she has to get up on her feet. Whether it's in a large auditorium or simply standing in place at a conference table doesn't matter. The act of getting to her feet sends her thoughts and carefully organized message scurrying for the exits.

So the exercise I used with her was simple as could be: I had her sit in a chair, then stand as though she were about to speak. Try it again, I said. Now a third time, this time walking 5 feet to the spot you'll be speaking from. One more time, this time walking around 10 feet to an imaginary lectern. And each time you stand, make sure your feet are armpit-width apart so you're stable and secure.

Before I had her perform the exercise, I spoke to her about the need for speakers and presenters to externalize what they're feeling and want to convey to listeners. My background is acting, so I usually make the point, as I did with this client, that actors spend their whole careers learning how to make plain to audiences what's going on inside the character. That's exactly what speakers need to do when they present in public. Audiences aren't mind-readers, and they need to see and hear what that speaker intends to get across.

That means body language, of course, and that in turn means being comfortable and practiced with our own bodies. No octopuses or caterpillars allowed! Two hands and two feet are all you're granted; and if you're missing limbs, so be it. Facial expressions and vocal skills exist to contribute to your speaking effectiveness in all of these situations. 

The Body in Question

And here are three activities that will help teach you to use body language productively, if you find yourself in the "Whose Body Is This, Anyway?" camp:

1. When you're relaxed and communicating fluidly and unselfconsciously (Scenario A above), use one part of your mind to take note of how you're moving. Get into your muscle memory what it feels like to stand, sit, gesture, and use facial expressions easily and in support of your message.

2. Watch movies or television shows where the dramatic situation is clear--the cheesier or more dramatic the better--and turn the sound off. See how many of the intentions of the characters are apparent to you without hearing any dialogue whatever. You may be surprised at the results.

3. Videotape yourself delivering a presentation. Watch it too with the sound turned off. Now watch yourself in fast forward mode. It won't take you long to discover whether you use a favorite gesture repeatedly (read that as "use too often").

Human beings are programmed to respond in visceral, unconscious ways to another person's body language, voice, and every other aspect of nonverbal communication. Often, these indicators of intention, passion, and trustworthiness can overpower the content we think is influening our audiences. So learn to use your body comfortably and convincingly.

If instead you find yourself talking to a bunch of lobsters with two claws and eight legs each, well, you're on your own.

Key takeaways from this blog:

• You're not a millipede. Learn to use your limbs the way you were taught.
• Self-consciousness limits the effectiveness of your key tool: your body.
• Practice standing and speaking, because you'll do much of that in your life.
• Take note in muscle memory of how you move when you're in The Zone.
• Pay attention to what other people communicate only with movement.